I did not go to the Liturgy today and I felt bad for it. There was a certain emptiness within me, which made it quite easy to feel some frustration and blame my external circumstances for my absence. But then I realized that I was not ready to go to the Liturgy and that my going there would have meant nothing, even if, on the surface, it may have been a fulfillment. The regret that I did not go the Liturgy manifested the absence of Liturgy in my soul. If I had lived liturgically, so if I had tasted of the Cup on every moment, regret could not have translated to emptiness and frustration, but it would have remained a longing for something that somehow I already have.
I missed the Liturgy today, and missing it I was somehow blessed.